My wonderful husband and his new venture

Sorry it's been a while. Life keeps moving and I barely have time to think about what is happening, let alone write about it.

Hard at work

New developments in the Kirkup household: Adam is now self-employed. We mentioned in the previous 'family' post that he handed in his notice a week before Christmas due to his company unexpectedly changing his role and shift patterns.

Adam began the search for full-time job search over the festive season. Such fun, obviously. It was almost exactly a year since he was last doing this. When we first moved to Chester in Jan/Feb 2014 he had applied for over 80 full-time positions in regular minimum wage admin/data entry posts. He also applied for higher earning jobs, retail jobs and some down right peculiar jobs. One of which involved bull semen. Moving on...

Adam has a degree in English and Creative Writing. His dissertation won an award for being the best in his year and he received a prize from a publisher. He did his final year of university with our new born baby waking us up every three hours. He is one of the most talented, generous and humble people I know. How was a girl meant to do anything other than fall hopelessly in love with him? (Oh and I forgot to mention he is a grade seven pianist, a tremendous guitar player and a singer).

Needless to say I'm his biggest fan. But that's not to say he's without fault. We have been married four years now - more about married life in another post.

Anyway, Adam began this same process in Jan 2015. Applying for some of the most boring, monotonous, talent-wasting vacancies I had even seen. It was devastating for me to watch. He was only doing it for us. Doing it so we could pay the rent, afford to eat and run a car. We got thinking about what the alternatives were and suddenly the self-employed option became more than a dream. Adam has often applied with actual excitement to be a copywriter, editor or content creator. And we just thought, why not give it a go? Adam booked himself on to a four day 'Exploring Enterprise Course'  with the Prince's Trust and began to formalise exactly what it was he would concentrate on. To start a business is time consuming, costly and risky. And it feels even riskier when you are responsible for two small people.

Amazingly whilst all this was happening I got talking to a lady in a coffee shop who works at the university here. I mentioned applying for a few things there but never hearing back. Turns out she had a vacancy in her department. I have now been in the role for two weeks. I work four days a week 8.00 - 4.30, which to me is just perfect. I am, annoyingly, a bit of a morning person and by finishing early I'm home for family dinner.This is the most I have ever worked, the biggest length of time spent away from my wee ones. I am feeling... I am feeling a lot of different things about it. A post on this coming soon.

So anyway, four weeks ago Adam (as Penfold Content - check him out!) landed his first paid job. Freelancing is not the most predictable of income sources. Once you do get the work there is then invoicing. Gone are the days of a set wage coming in at a scripted time. After invoicing someone for the glorious work you have laboured over they then have 30 days to pay. When you are just starting this can obviously result in cash flow problems and have fairly large consequences. Praise the Lord, we don't have any of these type of issues currently. My new four-day-a-week wage helps take the edge off a bit.

It is a little nerve-wracking starting a new business but it's has been a joy to watch Adam so motivated and creative in his new role. There will undoubtedly be times this year when I'm incredibly sad that we can't afford a holiday or any fancy clothes, but this is all normal for the first few years and I am in support of our new venture.

Sarah

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Has anyone gone self-employed recently? Or gone back to work with a shift pattern different to before?

Let us know in the comments below.

You can find Four for the Road on Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest, or you can connect with Sarah on Google+

The List: What I'm learning about being a stay-at-home dad

For the last two weeks (and for the next month at least) I have been home with the kids four days a week. Though I'm used to solo parenting, four consecutive days is a new experience for me. Here's what I'm learning:

• I am no longer allowed to shower
• Any visions of my toddler helping with laundry and sweeping, though cute, are total fantasy
• I will be unable to wear any of these clothes tomorrow
• I now have to comb and style my daughter's hair
• I do not know how to do any hairstyles appropriate for a five-year-old girl
• The other dads and male carers at toddler group would probably appreciate another guy to talk to, but are all just as nervous and socially awkward as I am
• Allow at least an additional 40 minutes to your parents' evening appointment time
• Nap times of less than one hour lead to feelings of resentment towards your child
• Nap times of over two hours lead to feelings of extreme and inexplicable guilt
• There must be after-school snacks
• Seriously, just make sure there are after-school snacks
• There aren't enough cups of tea in a day
• This was a terrible fortnight to try and give up sugar

Most importantly I'm learning to slow down. To switch off the business/blogging/housework/worrying part of my brain and just enjoy the moment with my little ones. Because when you're out in the sunshine, with The Chap licking mud off a trowel and The Bookworm spraying the laundry with a garden hose - you don't get those moments back.

Adam

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Any other guys adjusting to stay-at-home status? (Or do you prefer 'primary parent'?) How are you finding it?

Let us know in the comments below, or you can connect with Adam on Google+

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'The List' is a Linky run by two blogs: Mums' Days and You Baby Me Mummy. You can find out more here.

Spring Makeover

It's a beautiful day outside. The back door is wide open, a cool breeze is blowing through, birds are singing, and our little chap is about to wake up from his nap.

Just enough time to let you know that Four For The Road is having a bit of a spring makeover. Within the next couple of weeks fourfortheroad.co.uk will look all shiny and new. We'll still be blogging about our little ones, and family life in Chester in the North West, as well as something new. (Ooh, mysterious!)

We were thrilled to be included in BritMums' round-up of World Book Day blogs. You can check out our post here.

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Does it feel like spring where you are? Have you been out enjoying the sunshine (if you can remember what that is)? Let us know below.

You can connect with Adam on Google+

World Book Day is a dangerous thing

Tomorrow is World Book Day. There's already been a bit of a hoo-ha in the Guardian about parents who make their own costumes.

Well, World Book Day was a day early at our daughter's school and - I confess - I am that parent.

It all started when she was two. Her nursery at the time told us World Book Day was coming up, and I promptly forgot all about.

The day rolled around. We arrived, harassed, slightly late, breakfast crumbs around the mouth. We walked in to find every other child was a princess, a pirate, a caterpillar, a bear.

For the Book Day group photograph they cobbled together a kimono and hat for her to wear, but I won't forget the moment I dropped her off that day. The disappointment. The sad, questioning eyes. And I vowed, never again.

And I've done okay so far. We've had Super Daisy, Spiderman and now Betty O'Barley.

If you aren't familiar with Betty, she is the heroine of the Julia Donaldson and Axel Scheffler book The Scarecrow's Wedding.

How hard can it be? I thought. I'll just sew the straw onto the dress. These thoughts would come back to mock me as I sat on the floor in our lounge desperately trying to re-attach handfuls of straw at midnight, and then again as I manically hoovered the whole house (the whole house!) this morning.

Still, it's a small price to pay, right?

In honour of the event I composed the following poem. Apologies to Julia Donaldson for its quality.

Our house is all covered in straw,

From the bed to the living room door;

I cleaned for an hour

Then jumped in the shower

And discovered a little bit more.

Thanks,

Adam

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Have any of you made costumes for World Book Day this year? Got any parenting horror stories about costumes that didn't work, or times you forgot altogether?

Let us know in the comments below. Or you can connect with Adam on Google+

How we got our 18-month-old to brush his teeth.

Our little chap got his first tooth at about three months old. Despite the screaming, sleepless nights and various minor ailments ("Oh, he has a runny nose? Must be teething"), he decided that he quite liked having a tooth and so produced a few more. By age one he had all but two of his gnashers, which have arrived subsequently.

They tell you - 'they' being health visitors, dentists, general well-meaning folk - that you need to start brushing your child's teeth as soon as they appear. Which is fine for them to say, because they're not the ones who need to put their hands near the mouth of your extremely toothy child.

Just look at those!

The chap never liked having his teeth brushed. We got him those round toothbrushes with the thumbhole in the middle. We got various toothbrushes printed with characters he was, at best, only vaguely familiar with. He did not like having the toothbrush in his mouth.

Like the good parents we are, we tried to forcibly brush his teeth for him. He proved to be surprisingly strong, and very stubborn.

We tried distraction. At one point there were three toothbrushes, two parents and one big sister involved. He was not to be fooled, and retaliated by developing a lizard-like ability to lock his teeth on any incoming object, whether it was a toothbrush or a finger.

We had pretty much reached the end of our resources of patience and ingenuity. We didn't particularly want all of his baby teeth to turn brown and rot away. Nor did we want to have a 15-minute 'Battle of the Bathroom Sink' every morning and evening, and risk further damage to our fingers.

Then Santa came.

Or, more accurately, we bought his big sister a Disney Princess electric toothbrush to go in her Christmas stocking. Since that fateful morning, December 25th, he has been absolutely obsessed with it. He even let us brush his teeth with it!

Obviously his sister wasn't best pleased at having to share her toothbrush with him, so this week we finally got around to buying him his very own Batman electric toothbrush. It cost £3 and it is worth every one of those 300 pennies. He doesn't have the first clue who Batman is, but he likes that you need to turn it on, and that it buzzes in his mouth while we brush his teeth.

Seems like Batman's been in the toothbrush game a while.

Thanks for reading,

Adam

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Anyone else had a similar experience? Or something their baby/toddler just refused to do, until you found an ingenious solution? Let us know in the comments below.

Please don't comment sharing a link to some article saying that electric toothbrushes are going to ruin our kids' teeth. I just couldn't handle it.


You can connect with Adam on Google+

Happy New Year

It is New Year's Day. Congratulations, good wishes, all the best, many happy returns, etc. You made it.

More to the point (after all, it is our blog) we made it. Though we spent a portion of the year jobless, a few weeks of it living in our friends' spare room, and more than a couple of hours wondering if moving to Chester was that great an idea, we have arrived in 2015 with a roof over our heads, plenty of milk in the fridge, overall good health and smiles on our faces.

Helping to plant a new church is hard. Moving cities to help plant said church is hard. Moving cities with two small kids in hard. Actually, having two small kids is hard - and Eliot has just entered the 'tantrum phase' - but we live to tell the tale. 

We have sustained each other. Our kids have sustained us. Our amazing neighbours and friends, old and new, have sustained us. Our church has sustained us in a new and wonderful way. Jesus has sustained us, reassured us, provided for us, and we're very grateful.

Esther has shown us amazing resilience, courage and generosity. She totally owned the idea of coming to Chester to start a church and has got stuck in with school and Vineyard Kids - though she does still miss friends from Nottingham, and having a bigger bedroom. She is loud, completely extroverted, very kind and comes up with the craziest stories. 

Eliot is fearless, and is definitely a 'grab the bull by the horns' character. Luckily he's not come across a bull, but he has poked dogs in the nose, fed cows and goats, and had his finger bitten by a duck. We've had to learn about sleeplessness, dealing with tantrums, being nice to each other at 3am. We're still not great at childproofing our house, but surely Esther was never this destructive? Having two kids also changes your dynamic, your routines and the demands on your time, and it would be so easy for time with Esther to get squeezed out; we've learned to book in date nights with her, to do craft or watch movies together.

This year Esther discovered Makaton, which she loves, and is quite happy to put on impromptu performances of We're Going on a Bear Hunt, or Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do you See? for any friend or relative. 

This year Eliot discovered biscuits, but not fruit. He loves remote controls and prefers dancing to talking.

They are good eggs. And so are all of you. Thank you.

So that was Christmas

Happy December 29th everybody. I write this from the dining table of the home of my parents-in-law, with a half-eaten tub of Quality Street looming in my peripheral vision. I am staying strong. I've opted for a honey and lemon instead, to soothe the stomach and the soul after too much of everything else.

I hope you all had a merry and enjoyable Christmas, and that you were able to be near to your loved ones. Ours has been spent in a kind of suspended animation in Norfolk, and very enjoyable it's been, too.

There has been a lovely trip to Center Parcs (of which more later), presents aplenty, Christmas day paddles in the sea, board games, and much food, wine and merriment.

We will be heading back up to Chester (probably) tomorrow morning. No doubt there will be a few Sorry We Missed You cards from Royal Mail on our doorstep, but other than that we step into slightly unknown territory. (But only slightly.) Sarah will be returning to a mad week of mega-shifts at work and I will be returning to... no work at all.

For better or worse, we've not spent too much time worrying (read thinking) about our less-than-ideal job situation. After all, it will be waiting for us in Chester, right? When we get back there will be a few things to consider: What kind of job do I want? Which (if either) of us should be looking at a full time job? Is this the year for a 'sensible career move' or to be bold and daring? Or perhaps both? 

Answers in 2015, I think.

Thanks to all who let us know your Christmas traditions. Opening one gift on Christmas Eve seems to be a classic. On a culinary note, cheesy leeks to accompany Christmas Dinner is tr aditional for some. Sleeping in front of the Christmas tree and staging a family play were two of the more avant-garde suggestions.

We're still working on ours. We all got new pyjamas, as anticipated, in the run-up to Christmas. I'm wearing mine now, in fact.

Adam

Don't worry. It can't be as bad as last year.

So it's December, and in the lead up to Christmas we find ourselves at a point which causes us to think about the year gone by - particularly what we were doing this exact time last year. I had to pause last weekend as I saw the a jumper for my twenty-something brother. He is cool. I must be even cooler as he permits me to choose clothes for him. I saw this jumper, bought it and then thought, "Oh no, did I get him the exact same one last year? The same colour and vibe?" Hmm. Only time will tell.

Other things are also similar yet different in our lives this year. Come January, Adam will once again be without a job. He handed in his notice this week. The company he worked for changed to a shift pattern system which included weekends and evenings. As much as we looked a various combinations for how to work it, it just didn't fit with our family life and commitments.

The management were actually very kind and are sorry to see him go and will be writing a good reference. So this isn't exactly the best of Christmas gift but we have a strange peace about it. And as the title suggests 'it isn't as bad as last year'.

Last year in December we left Nottingham for Chester. Neither of us had jobs, we didn't have house, our furniture was in storage and we lived with friends in a small three bed house for a month with our five month old son and four year old daughter. This was a real low. However, once you have this as your bed-rock 'times are difficult' place, the only way is up. This year, okay, Adam doesn't have a job, but I do and we have a house. We also have increased faith that God has got our back in the good and bad times. This is an entry from diary last year:

Saturday 14th December 2013

We are on the move, packing as I write this and soon putting boxes on the van.

God's provision has already been immense. Sums of money in the last 8 weeks have featured an unmarked envelope of cash on by desk (£100), an anonymous letter full of notes through the front door (£500), a £1000 transfer to our bank account from a couple we barely know and now in last ten mins another £500 in cash through the door. I'm hope people are aware that we're not drug barons. 

The current total in the last three weeks, given to us: £2250. 

As it turned out, we were given around double that amount during our move to Chester.

As we enter the festive season we are of course a little nervous about next month but it could also be a great opportunity. Who knows, Adam may actually get a job is passionate about (this would be a copywriter, editor, designer, just in case you know of anything going). And even though things aren't exactly rosy, there is one family who had an even rougher Christmas 2,000 years ago. I can't get over the fact that May travelled so far on a donkey. At 38 weeks pregnant the bus used to make me feel queasy. They were also kind of homeless and ended up having a 'stable/shack birth', when still the idea of a home-birth freaks me out a little. 

So we are thankful and joyful. We have an incredible community around us here, who are part of Vineyard 53 (our church) and we have amazing loving families. We also have so many generous, supportive friends, both old and new. 

Grandma K on damage control in a very festive garden centre.

Esther is appearing as Mary in her first nativity and we are expecting it to be full-on hilarious. She has asked if she is required to the 'pop the baby out' but we said no need to bother, we think you will find him under your chair or something.

We have also been falling slowly more in love Chester this year. Vineyard 53 had the opportunity last Saturday to run an activity tent in the middle of the highly acclaimed Chester Christmas market. We offered a range of three different crafts, all of which could be done of free. We had 108 children in and out of the tent from the hours of 11am - 3pm and we had great chats with the grown-ups too. 

This Saturday Adam and folk from the church are singing carols in Ellesmere Port, with a giveaway of festive treats and warms drinks for the shoppers. On Sunday morning we are holding a Christmas Party for some children who are part of a Sunday kids' church we help run in a community centre. Lots of fun to be had.

Hopefully next time I write I will be reporting a flood of interviews for Adam, beautiful pics of our short (already paid for) trip to Center Parcs, and more answers to prayer. 

Much love,

Sarah K

Autumn

Autumn has happened. It's been fairly mild here and many parts of the country experienced the mildest Halloween since records began.

Esther has only asked to wear her gloves three times thus far, and she has cold hands.

Things have been busy this term. The biggest difference to our family life is that I have a part-time job. It's going well, and has really helped pay for Christmas treats, and kind of let us live again.  I am a deli assistant in an Italian restaurant. I get to eat lots of yummy traditional, regional, high quality Italian food. I like this. The major blow of a part-time hospitality job is the mandatory weekend work. Even though most regularly I only work Saturday evenings, it can make weekend trips up North, to the Midlands or to the South tricky. I do feel very lucky though as the staff are great and the management do accommodate where they can.

Autumnal adventures at Erddig, featuring over 130 varieties of apple!

Eliot has started in nursery for two days a week. This has helped him no end and he doesn't even cry when we drop him off now, nor is he particularly bothered when I go to pick him up. The flow of my week, now that I only have the kids three days, seems rapidly fast. I am hoping it will force me to plan better, as if not friendships, time with Adam and for myself could get squeezed out.

We did plan enough to do Halloween hot dogs for our street. Even though Halloween isn't really on our radar in terms of celebrations, it is and now will always be an annual excuse for hot-dogs. There have been a number of people moving in and out of the street, and we hoped this would be a good way to meet those who we had not yet seen. Now there are some slight complication to meeting new people on halloween. Some costumes are very convincing, especially zombies. So unless people look like the walking dead on a Monday morning, identifying them is interesting. We were really touched that a new couple on the street who we only met the week before came out and helped us do the hotdogs and bought half the food. Eliot and I posted little invitations a few days before. He was hoping to see some dogs. He loves dogs. We were chuffed that over five families came and said 'hi' and complimented us on our efforts. I even cooked the onions well.

He also likes donkeys. And giraffes. And turtles.

I have just asked Adam how he is; his answer was 'that's a big question'. On the whole he's feeling positive. He has started hanging out weekly with some friends to make some music, which has been great fun. November/December means lots to do in terms of planning and scheduling. We have Esther's party in a couple of weeks (previously we have gone big with her birthdays - we may have set a difficult president for ourselves). Our church have a few things coming up in the next couple of weeks and Adam will be on carol-playing overload come December. It's a challenge, having busy lives, but helped by reflection, communication and forward planning.

We are really enjoying running the kids' church twice monthly in a community centre. Seeing the kids having fun, making new friendships, building in confidence and learning about Jesus is a privilege to be part of. Our church recently put on a fireworks evening which was cold, yummy and colourful. We had over 100 people in our friends' house, filtering through the kitchen, utility room and garden. Spectacles included homemade toffee apples, firework-shaped biscuits, bead crafts for the kids, eating doughnuts from a washing line, toasting marshmallows, sparklers and of course the fireworks themselves.

So, onward to the start of the festive season. We are adding to our family tradtions in the run up to this period. One firmly set in place in the giving of new pyjamas on the week leading up to Christmas. We often visit family over the Christmas period and appropriate nightwear is a must. Adam and I went to see a local festive theatre production called The Flint Street Nativity. It was very funny. Although for me, I cannot fully engage with Christmas until Esther's birthday is over. Adam can engage with festive merriment anytime from September.

What are your family traditions? Suggestions in the comments below!

Our first Chester summer - in (lots of) pictures.

A favourite pastime for Esther and Daddy, baking and making a mess. This particular session lead to yummy thin cheese straws.

Getting out around Chester, we ventured to Hawarden pick-you- own farm. There were strawberries, raspberries and gooseberries when we visited. The cafe was incredible, filled with locally sourced, handmade goodies.

Delamere Forest has become a firm favourite for a family outing. This summer it has also been home to the Gruffalo trail.  The trees are big and the sky is wide; it's a delight to see the kids in wellies building dens. There is another lovely cafe here too, essential on an autumn day for a cuppa after a ramble among the ferns. You pay for parking as the woods is maintained by the Forestry Commission. There are workshops and special events running all year round.

The World Cup came and went, quickly. Our church was screening all the England games (of which there were fewer than hoped). There was a great atmosphere, the weather was fair and the sausages good.

Eliot turned one. He is a wild man. We love him. (Daddy made a slightly lopsided cake.)

Esther started full-time school in early September. She loves it - she is a real extrovert and also a little wild.

Adam made some great decorating efforts in our little rented house. Washi tape is a must to achieve this wall. He is a creative crafty guy.

I also turned a certain age this summer and to celebrate I had a royalty themed party, fact or fictional royalty that is. People made a good effort. There were two Queens of Hearts, both with hand-made costumes. Two queen bees, Freddie Mercury, Hamlet, Marie Antoinette and can you guess how the picture above links to the theme? Yes thats's right - this crazy pair came as a king sized bed.

The aptly themed card based game, Emperor/Pauper. (Guess which is which.)

So there you have (some of) our first summer in Chester. There was a lot more fun stuff, but you'll have to take our word for it. Now Autumn is seems to be here in earnest, we'll try to be better at keeping you updated.